Mid Life Crisis

It is 3 months to The Wife’s 32nd birthday and everything in my life suddenly seem so flat and boring at the moment. Have been in my job for about 2.5 years already with the whole year spent tackling taichi colleagues, temperamental  boss and lots of ad-hoc work.

No baby and no kid on the way, but there are a lot of baby showers to attend and lots of baby bumps to face. Worst, there are lots of seats to give up and lots of food cravings to be dragged along for.

Have ROM-ed for about 3 years and everything seems a lot more like a daily routine and less romantic. Marriage life trying to save money and managing housework seems to zap all romance out. There is still love of course but is more like kinship rather than the passionate love.

The Wife is bored, really bored…. how to spend the next 30-40 years like this?

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I want to remember this day…

…. because this is a low point of my life now, where the marriage seems to hit an obstacle due to consistent lack of initiative and communication. Work is like a total crap and I have been down with a bad flu for a few weeks.

Worst of all, I have missed the cheapest tix to Osaka due to a moment of wilfulness and some hurtful words from The Husband.

It is only by remembering days like this that I will appreciate the good things in life later.

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The Wife’s Bucket List

Life is unpredictable and so this day, The Wife decides that I should think about the things that I really hope to achieve this life time so that there will not be any regrets should I really kick the bucket.

The list may not consist anything noble like saving the earth, building a school. But it will be The Wife’s very own list, personal to myself.

1) Get 5 ear piercings, 3 on one side and 2 on the other

This may sound very lame but it is a little wish that I have since school days. Finally managed to accomplish this on Labour Day this year. This is in addition to the first pair The Wife got before the wedding in 2010 and then a failed pair (left with one side) before Chinese New Year.

2) Visit all the Disneylands in the world

This is going to be an expensive one but I totally adore Disneyland as a place where magic comes alive. Can totally forget all worries and escape from the real world while inside them. And there are all the cute characters too and not forgetting the wonderfully thought out park settings and rides.

So far, have only been to the one in Hong Kong and Disneysea in Tokyo. Many many more to clear!

3) Design my own home without budget restrictions

Given the lack of budget, there were limited things we could do for our first home. Thus, The Wife hope that one day, we would be able to have a much freer hand in designing our next home.

4) Start my own business

No matter success or failure, The Wife hopes to start a small little business to see if I have inherited any of Daddy’s genes. Not much headway yet, even though I have taken the first step tonight to write some emails to my network of interest.

5) Have a baby

The Wife is already 32 this year and much as I want to spend the rest of my life traveling and having fun, hope to complete the family as well. Also, I know that The Husband wish to have a baby very much. To avoid the Water Dragon, we will start trying to conceive (ttc) somewhere at the end of May and hope that we can be Snake year parents.

6) Travel solo

Since young, The Wife has got a list of places that I really want to see including Japan, Turkey, Egypt, India and Tibet. Due to budget and time constraint, unsure of whether I will get to see them all but just hope to go to as many as possible! But amongst these, I hope to be able to at least make one solo trip, to connect with my inner-self and to clear the mind.

7) Maintain a self identity

The WIfe has seen countless of friends who are unable to talk about anything but their families and children and this really freak me out big time. I have lived a 32 years as myself and am rather proud of the fact that I am able to hold a proper conversation, hold my own at my workplace and have my own friends, so I really wish to keep it as such. I really dont want my Facebook to have nothing but my children’s photos, my appointment schedule to revolve around them and lose my whole life’s identity.

8) Buy the oddest items on my wishlist

Believe it or not, The Wife really want a Swiss army knife with wine opener and pen knife function which up till now nobody would buy for me. Ish okay, because will one day buy it for myself.

The next oddest thing would be a desktop skeleton… and yes, you hear it right, it is a skeleton structure I am talking about.

9) Bring my mum and aunt to travel around more

Unfortunately, my mum and aunt are not big fans of budget or shiong traveling. Thus, after a long planning, The Wife managed to get them to Malacca, Bangkok and Batam. Next up would be Hong Kong or Taiwan. Really do not wish for them to join a package tour instead… would miss out a lot of the local food and shopping that they would probably like.

10) Exceed myself 

Last but not least is rather simple, and yet very difficult. Given that nobody is perfect, it is always easy to be able to exceed myself but yet I guess there is always a limit to what each person can do.

Till now, The Wife feel that I have somehow done what nobody expected me to do when I got to a senior manager position in my market research work. Probably shocked everybody as well when I went from non-exerciser to one who completed two Les Mills course programs and is able to run 10km from nothing.

That said, one can still question on why the limit cannot be pushed to become a full time instructor or to run a full marathon. Then again, there is no end to improvement…

10 seemingly simple items and 1 bucket list…. how many would eventually be achieved? Only time will tell.

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The last hour of 2011

Time flies and it is the last day of 2011…. It has been an uneventful and yet very eventful year.

The Wife has said hi and good bye to 3 dear hammies in a row…. and this is after a decade hiatus from my last terrapin pets Titi and Tutu. As per always, The Wife cries buckets every time I have to say goodbye. Given the short lifespan, seriously isnt looking forward to parting with Pocket, Shellie and Duffy… but I am glad to have them around at the moment and certainly hope that they are happy to be with me too.

The Wife has spent the entire 2011 in the same job and it is coming to 2 years this coming Feb. Quite a feat considering that I have never stayed more than 4 months in any public related company.  The promotion round come and went with a big boo boo that reduced me to a laughing stock. It is time to evaluate if the realities (recession, planning for a lil one) will outweigh the pride and ego in terms of a career switch.

The new year will be all important in the lil one planning as The Wife hit 32. Much as I value freedom, the clock is ticking and counting down, so I guess this is it.. unless fate rules otherwise and determine that we are not suitable for the role of parents, which then will consider looking for a Poofy to keep us company.

The Wife is also unfortunately a freaking lousy accountant and would spend as fast or even faster than I earn, so in the  new year, I shall set some budgets for myself to ensure that my savings can start to snowball enough to buy me my first 500g of gold. So it is time to kiss online shopping via Groupon, SG Motherhood forum and other much attractive blog shops goodbye.

The last 2 month of 2011 see The Wife transferring to a new technology era as The Husband forced me to get a new phone coupled with a data plan. I am now a Whatsapp user and a mobile FB and Gmail fan… How can we ever go back to the days without?!

Saying goodbye to an eventful 365 days, it is time to look forward to a better one ahead… May good health and happiness be with all the ones I love and loved….

Happy New Year!!!!!

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Silent Night…

Not X’mas yet, just feeling a little melancholic after sending The Husband off at the airport. He will be away for about 10 days to Munich on a work trip and it is the first time we will be away for so long since we got married two years ago.

In mid-air now, while The Wife is getting groggy-eyed over TVB serials…. So many more days without having him around and so much work to do!

On the bright side, when The Husband is back, it is also time for our much awaited trip to the land of the rising sun!

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The day after…

It was a tough first night to spend after Mochi was gone… The Wife spent the night tossing and turning, hearing the roll of the retro clock in our bedroom sounding just like Mochi when she runs on her wheel. Had dreams about finding a few little hamsters in Mochi’s cage when I looked into it and even in my dream, I remembered that Mochi had already left us…

I havent cried so much in a long long while. Cried when The Wife was eating breakfast, cried when I was on the way to and from the doctor and cried some more uploading her pictures and seeing her empty cage.

This was the sole reason why The Wife did not want to buy it at first. I do not know how to deal with deaths and being apart.

I really miss having little Mochi eating out of my hand and running towards us when we are home from work.

When I get home everyday, they are the first ones I see at the door and talk to even before locking up…. now that one is gone, Pocket is looking very puzzled and every time I looked at it for the past 2 hours, he is staring at the lil tissue box in which Mochi is now lying in. Poor Pocket must also be missing his neighbour and friend….

The only consolation was that she had died in her fave corner, probably in her sleep cos she looked so peaceful.

My dear Mochi, may you really go to hammie heaven as everyone say you would. I hope that you have been a happy hamster while we had you. Please forgive us for not spending more time with you and for not doing more.

If there is a next life, we hope that you could be happier, have your freedom and the ability to control your own destiny.

You will always be in our hearts and we will not forget you….

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What a weddding means… to us

I think most of the time, other than the more exceptional cases, The Wife is usually more involved in a wedding than The Husband.

Assuming you ask The Husband what the wedding means to him…..

The Husband: Hmmm… Ummm… Just the two of us… for the rest of our life… … … *period*

Now, try asking The Wife what the wedding means to her….

The Wife: Wedding gowns, bouquet, diamond bling bling, Jie meis, banquet, photographer, videographer, personalised invitations, bridal suite, confetti, Guo Da Li, pre-wedding shoot, bridal studios, made-to-measure, diet… blah… blah… blah… *and the list goes on*

See the difference right? I think that is where our problem lie as well and sprouted disagreements.

To The Husband, a wedding is just the start of an entire lifetime together. He prefers to keep things simple and just want to hit the minimum requirement that is expected of him. So the number 1 bane on his list is gatecrashing. He thinks that it is silly to be doing diarrohea causing forfeits to prove that he loves me… That part I agree also… but I guess we have to come to a compromise somehow since I cannot possibly leave the gate open for him to just march in right?

For The Wife, photographs are important to leave a memory of all the good things that has happened in her life. That is why she has pictures of herself since she was one week old till now. If that is the case, how can a good wedding photographer be missing on the most important day of her life? To The Husband, as long as there is someone around to capture the images of the day, it would be fine… even if it means DIY via a point and shoot camera by friends. Another huge fight ensues of course with The Husband finally giving in and ask The Wife to decide.

The two incidents above are just examples of the arguments in a typical day since the two of us decided to get married. The Wife does not understand why The Husband do not want to get involved in the planning process while some of the other husbands are so on the ball from selecting bridal studios to DIY-ing ang pow boxees. On the other hand, The Husband do not understand why The Wife cannot just decide by herself or compromise on some of the items.

Should we go for a marriage preparation course? Or would such a course only be theory and impractical to use? Or is this just a phase that each couple has to go through to find out more about each other and become more accomodating?

Maybe it is time to really explore what a wedding means… to us, instead of just each of us individually. Hopefully we will have some time in the coming weeks to spend some quiet time together… and put the wedding planning stuff aside first!

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Wedding during an Economic Downturn

Recently, both of us seem to be followed by a stroke of bad luck at work… It just gets rather difficult to feel motivated anymore. The Wife decided earlier that I need a change and tendered my resignation (without a job!) while The Husband has it worse since he has a bond that he needs to serve out.

However, that said, resigning did not make me any happier than before and The Wife can honestly share that during this time where we need to spend $$$ preparing for the wedding and the house, to be jobless cause a lot of stress and anxiety.

Up till this point in time as I am writing, I have yet to confirm a new job position yet though I can sense that something should be confirmed soon. But during this entire period, I have learnt to live frugally so as not to eat into my meagre savings as long as possible.

This new lifestyle has in turn impact the way I looked at the entire wedding and sets me thinking of whether I can have everything and still maintain at a low cost. Also, what are the priority MUST HAVE items vs the GOOD TO HAVE ones.

MUST HAVES:

• wedding package from a bridal studio (as ala-carte might cost more)
• wedding photographer (to me, they tell stories about us long after we are gone)
• wedding videographer (to The Husband, video has emotion and expressions)
• jie meis (it will be so lonely to get married alone)
• honeymoon travel (an excuse to see more places)
• decent venue decor (if we are having a banquet at a non-ballroom venue)
• a team of partners in crime whom we can trust to make sure all goes well
• simple gatecrashing by The Husband and Brothers team
• great food at the banquet of course!

GOOD TO HAVES:

• wedding banquet (if really must have, it should be in a decent place)
• wedding flowers (not very fussy on what I will be carrying)
• jewellery (hardly got use for formal jewellery anyway)
• platinum wedding bands (The Husband isn’t even wearing his)
• Guo Da Li items (to keep as simple as possible to minimise wastage)
• personalised wedding invitations (nobody saves them anyway)
• themed wedding favors (nice to have a souvenir for guests to remember)
• long hair (hard to maintain but great for more variety of hairstyles)
• professionally done wedding montage (can be a simple one by ourselves)

With the list in mind, it becomes easier to figure out where the money can be pumped into. But it is really odd how much more people try to charge for everything the minute they hear that it is for a “wedding”… Hmmm…

For the wedding, we are mainly set to go and hopefully the photoshoot can be settled soon as we move on to the next big thing which is the actual day preparations.

Hopefully by the next entry, The Wife would have good news to bring about a new job!

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The Wife is from Venus, The Husband is from Mars

The Wife is beginning to figure why I am feeling the unhappiness… we are basically 2 different individuals trying to plan this entire wedding and house thing together. So as per all other big projects, trying to have 2 decision makers will always end up in a disaster.

Take for example, choosing our locations for our JB photoshoot.

The Wife: Where should we go for our JB shoot? (obviously has already looked through the entire bridal studio photo blog)

The Husband: *not even looking* We can go Sultan Park and Denga Bay.

The Wife: *starting to feel buay song* But I want to go to Old Building… Denga Bay not nice.

The Husband: *also starting to buay song* You already have an idea where to go then why ask me?

And so, a typical argument starts like this… Not enough communication right? And often because of small things…  The Wife is unhappy because:

– Feels that The Husband did not even look through properly. Sounds as if he just randomly throw out the first 2 places he remember from the photo album loaned to us for reference.

– Did not justify why he chose those places. On the other hand, The Wife has done her homework and figure out what she likes and why she propose certain places.

– Have not asked The Wife who is usually the more important character in wedding pictures where she want them taken

Okay, The Husband, I give you time to rebutt… *Ding Ding* Round 1 begins…

There seems to be so much to learn in communication between people… especially your other half, someone whom you love but yet does not know that much about (compared to the parents and siblings whom you have live with all your life and have no choice about no matter how naggy or irritating they are).

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The 10 Fears of a Bride-to-be

1) The Groom from Mars. Sometimes I wonder why the person I am marrying is so hard to understand and doesn’t understand me. He thinks that I cannot let go of the ME ME ME to talk about US. But I just thought that things cannot go forward with two “go with the flow” persons, I might as well take the lead to do something… Communications are strained… and our busy schedules do not make things better.

2) So with point number 1 brings us to point number 2. Am I marrying the correct guy?? Maybe he has the same idea as well… How do we ever know? We never know until we get to the end right? Or until someone gives up first. Wil one of us give up the other?

3) Monster-in-laws come next. There is always an inherent fear of a scary mother-in-law and socially, this fear has been enhanced by soap opera dramas and sob stories told by others. In a way, no matter how nice mother-in-laws are, they always never seem to be able to get as close as our own mothers. Maybe it is the blood is thicker than water thing, or the bond that we share since we were in their tummies. No matter how old we are, at age 3 or 30, our mothers never let go of us. I guess the good thing that came out of this is my new found appreciation for my mummy!!!

4) BARREL!!! The Husband says that I am a barrel shaped bride to be!! I looked through all the websites and cannot find any gown cut that will suit a barrel-shaped body lor… I am putting on weight by leaps and bounds and even cutting down on my fave Coke and dinner did not seem to help… I think I can even put on weight just by breathing air and drinking water… Thank god for photoshop to buy me some more time to lose a little weight before the actual wedding… And nope, I have no intention of turning into a skeleton just for the wedding but I do need a little weight loss to get back to the same BMI bah…

5) Money money money… I think we are numb from all the spending already… We are drawing into our savings, borrowing from parents and buying 4D hoping to win some finances… Can’t help but think where is the next dollar going to come from.. I hope this nightmare will be over soon…

6) I can’t cook, wash clothes or iron! I am a totally spoilt brat at home. My mummy and aunt take care of my every needs.. I am the Family Princess and what am I going to do when I get married??!!! *cant visualise the future*

7) Kids… love them, hate them… The Husband loves kids… I like them too! But at the same time, I also saw how demanding they are in terms of time, money and not to mention the difficult time during pregnancy, childbirth and confinement!!! NOOOOOO!!!! *sigh*

8) Will ours be a love of a lifetime? I always envy the old couples who are still able to walk hand-in-hand in the park… But yet I have no confidence that we can remain in love for so long. How to fall in love over and over again with the same person?

9) Since our ROM, I have not changed the way I introduce myself to others, in job application forms etc… I am still who I am and I do want to keep my identity… There is always a deep fear that I will lose my career, my friends and my own lifestyle when I get married… Everything has to be a compromise more than before.  Sometimes I wonder if we are ready for everything that is to come.

10) From the minute that we decided to get married, this whole wedding and house thing has become the biggest project of my life (not too sure if The Husband also feel the same way). So when it is all over, what is left to do???? Life will fall into a boring pattern all over again… *shudders*

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